


This Is Not How You Seduce A Man

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bird dances, Crack, Dancing, I honestly have no idea what extra tags to put here to prepare you, It'll all make sense when you read it trust me, It's not written in script format or anything though, M/M, Showgirl outfits, um
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-28
Updated: 2013-12-28
Packaged: 2018-01-06 11:27:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1106275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester was not a man who was easily freaked out. He had seen some weird shit in his life, with plenty of examples and stories to tell. It took a lot for him to classify something as ‘weird’ and those events were few and far in between. However, walking into the bunker on this particular scene was definitively going to make the list.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is Not How You Seduce A Man

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this for a [friend's](http://youtookaruffiefromapriest.tumblr.com/) birthday because she wanted Castiel dressed up in a showgirl outfit and doing a bird of paradise mating dance for Dean and it was her birthday so who was I to disagree?
> 
> This is probably the best work I'll contribute to this fandom I'm sorry.

Dean Winchester was not a man who was easily freaked out. He had seen some weird shit in his life, with plenty of examples and stories to tell. There was the vampire in Ohio who was screwing a werewolf for about half a year before learning each other’s secrets, the witch who baked cookies that caused men to get a little… frisky for her own purposes, and the shape shifter who had an odd habit of changing to look like Elvis and _only_ Elvis. Yes, it took a lot for Dean Winchester to classify something as ‘weird’ and those events were few and far in between. However, walking into the bunker on _this_ particular scene was definitively going to make the list.

“Cas, what are you doing.” The question came out as more of a statement.

The ex-angel jumped and turned to look at the hunter. His face stayed passive, although a flicker of annoyance passed through his features.

“Oh, Dean, I thought you were going to gone for a few more hours.”

Dean ignored Castiel’s comment, as if he hadn’t even spoken. “Cas, please tell me you’re not wearing what I think you are.”

Castiel let a small frown appear on his face, glaring slightly at the clothes he had on. “They didn’t have what I was looking for and this was the closest thing to it. I’m sorry. Hopefully, it will still suffice.”

Dean couldn’t comprehend exactly what he was looking at. There was no way in hell Cas was wearing a black and blue show girl outfit, complete with a feathered headdress and all. There was just no way. Clearly this was a hallucination or a really _really_ fucked up dream, right? That had to be the answer.

“Why are you wearing that.”

“I couldn’t find one that’s made in mind of a bird of paradise, so this was the closest thing I could find to it. It should serve well enough for the dance however, even if it’s not what I originally had in mind.”

Dean closed his eyes, breathing in deeply and opening his mouth to ask what the hell Castiel meant by ‘dance’ but he stopped short when he heard music begin to fill the room. Oh god no. No, this was not going to happen to him.

“Do not open up your eyes, Dean,” he muttered to himself. “Do not open your damn eyes. Under no circumstance are you to open your eyes. Do not-”

Dean stop mid-rant when he finally caved and opened his eyes, freezing completely with shock written across his features. He decided to, in that moment, pray to whatever god – whether they be minor or otherwise – that was listening to please come down and tell him that his best friend wasn’t doing some fucked up version of the funky chicken. That this was just a really odd dream and he was going to wake up and shove it down with the rest of his dreams of Castiel and forget that it ever happened.

Unsurprisingly however, no deity appeared, so Dean was stuck with the situation at hand. The current situation being Cas jumping around him, showgirl outfit twirling around his body. Dean ignored the fact that the getup really was form fitting, eyes watching the former angel move around.

As the music picked up tempo, Dean really felt like closing his eyes again, but was completely frozen, watching. It was hypnotizing and hard to look away from, even though it was flat-out creepy as hell. Spreading the feathers in his headdress, Castiel hopped – danced? Dean was pretty sure that was supposed to be dancing – closer, as if showing them off. Leaping back and forth in front of Dean like an odd male version of a petite ballerina, Dean eventually was able to regain control over his body, go enough was enough, and move to shut off the music.

Castiel stopped abruptly at the sound of the music cutting off, and turned to stare at Dean, confused. “What is the matter, Dean?”

“Alright, Cas, I’m going to ask you once. What the _hell_ is all of this is about,” Dean asked, gesturing towards the fallen angel.

Castiel frowned slightly. “Sam told me this was the proper approach.”

“Proper approach to _what_?”

“To ‘woo’ you, as the magazine put it.”

“… What?”

Castiel took off his headdress, setting it on a nearby table, and opened up a drawer. He pulled out a copy of a Cosmopolitan and handed it over to Dean.

Dean flipped through the magazine, becoming more and more confused. “Cas, how the hell did you go from looking at a worthless magazine to _this_?”

“There’s an article in there titled ’15 Ways to Woo Your Man’ and one of the fifteen was ‘do a seductive dance’,” Castiel explained. “I asked Sam what specific dance they were referencing to, and he showed me a video of a bird doing a mating dance. He said that was what they were talking about, and recreating the dance would be the best way to go about gaining your affections. He also added it was one of your… ‘kinks’ as he put it.” Castiel tilted his head, the little quirk he had when he was confused showing. “Dean, do you really get sexual pleasure from the mating dances of birds?”

Dean spluttered for a moment, trying to form a proper response and ignore the irritation at his baby brother that was rising. “Look, that is not something I get off on- why were you going to a shitty magazine and _Sam_ for advice? Everyone he sleeps with dies, Cas, _dies_.”

“I needed to ask someone about the dance and Kevin refused to say anything on the matter, and I don’t think Crowley’s word is the wisest option for anything, so Sam was the last option.”

“Alright but- wait.” Gears in Dean’s mind were slowly turning. Turning, turning, and…

“Cas, was this an effort to… ‘seduce’ me?”

“Yes. I was hoping the dance would convey it to you but Sam did say you might be a little dense and I would have to ‘spell it out for you’.”

“Spell out… what exactly?”

“I, space, a, dash, m, space, i, dash, n, space, l, dash, o, dash, v, dash, e-”

“ _Cas, just spit it out_.”

“I’m in love with you. Or, I’m fairly certain I am. Perhaps love is too strong a word… hm… You humans should really develop your vocabulary for emotions.”

Dean’s mind went blank. Oh. _Oh_. The gears clicked into their final resting positions. Well, this at least explained quite a bit.

“Dean? Are you feeling alright? You look pale. You’re not… upset are you?”

Dean felt his face begin to twitch up in a smile and before he knew it, he was full out laughing. “Oh, I am going to fucking kill Sam once he gets back from the store.”

“Dean? Is there something funny? Why are you laughing?” Concern was in Castiel’s voice, mixing with confusion. “Do you… not return my sentiment?”

Dean made eye contact with Cas and smiled, albeit a bit hesitantly. “Well… I tried not to really go down that path since I figured you never would return those feelings but… yeah. I guess I do. Although next time, Cas? Just say it instead of asking Sam for help.”

Castiel nodded dutifully, agreeing.


End file.
